What is Wrong With You!
by Paranoid Emo Ranger
Summary: Snape visits his distant family for the summer. One evening he is stuck in the house with Jude, his distant nephew who likes to do a lot of things when bored. Who knew Jude is actually named Judas, but Snape just nicknamed it for him.


**Author's Note:** I do not own Snape or Jude but these two characters and the dude and dudettes who created them are out of this world!

**Summary:** Snape visits his distant family for the summer. One evening he is stuck in the house with Jude, his distant nephew who likes to do a lot of things when bored. Who knew Jude is actually named Judas, but Snape just nicknamed it for him.

Jude never liked being bored, he liked to skateboard and work in the mall and talk endlessly with his great friends. This was the time of year when his distant uncle would come and visit. Jude never liked the man very much; he wore a lot of black clothes and looked as though he never washed his hair, but Jude being Jude has consequences even for those people who are as no nonsense like Severus Snape. The Potions Master never enjoyed visiting the family; he had no idea why he even came to this dreadful place. The professor thought he could try and be more sociable after the second war, but it had been more difficult than he thought even though if he was now a war hero after that Potter blurted out to everyone that he was a double-agent.

Snape looked around the place curiously. It was very clean, and the drapery matched the walls perfectly, the carpet was Persian made and the furniture were as likely the same. His cousin Helen had introduced him to the family over a year ago when he first visited, at first they were all sceptical as though he really was family but after he had shown them a picture of his muggle father his cousin believed him. The house was very quiet for Helen and her husband David had gone out for dinner he had promised her. Severus sat in the living room reading a magazine called 'National Geographic' he was certainly amazed that the animals he uses for potions were photographed intricately showing different angles of how a bat senses its surroundings.

'Uncle, can I watch TV?' The lazy voice asked from behind him.

'No.'

'But why not?'

'Because I said so! Now shut up and be quiet!' Severus snarled at the young man, who was carrying something with wheels. Jude sat on the armchair opposite the older man. He sighed heavily.

'Okkkaaayyy…just chill!' Jude said.

Severus flipped the pages of the magazine to review the interesting animals that he slaughtered in the name of witchcraft and wizardry before he picked up another National Geographic magazine.

Jude sighed heavily. Snape knew the boy was trying to bother him.

The skater sighed again. He wasn't going to let the brat get to him, not now that he was reading National Geographic.

The brat sighed again, much heavier this time. Severus looked at the boy behind the magazine.

'Will you stop that?' Severus said in his silky voice. Jude inhaled but before he could exhale. 'Stop at once Judas!' The skater held his breath. He could see clearly that Jude was turning blue. 'Idiot boy! Exhale for Merlin's sake!' Jude obeyed and looked at his uncle.

'Uncle, can my friends come over?' He asked knowing that Severus would say no but he was extremely bored to death.

'No.'

'Can I go to their place and hang around?'

'No.'

'Can I have some Doritos?'

He looked at the boy curiously; Jude could interpret it in his mind as confusion. They looked at each other for minute, it was becoming awkward.

'What is Doritos?' Snape asked; unsure.

Jude's mouth hung open. How could anyone not know what Doritos is? It's the most delicious potato chips in the world and the man sitting across him has no idea what Doritos is! Severus could clearly see the boy wanted to punch him in the face, whatever this Doritos is he hoped it's nothing to be taken seriously in the muggle world.

'What's the matter with you?' Jude asked throwing away his skateboard. 'Haven't you ever tried eating Doritos in your whole life?' The boy was frantic, as though this was a matter of great consequence. 'Doritos is the most delicious, most powerful, most awesomest thing in the world! It's like magic!' The boy drew himself close to Snape that the older man could feel Jude's saliva showering on his face. 'I must take out a bag of Doritos from the fridge at once!' Jude declared as though he had discovered Atlantis.

Jude left leaving Snape all confused by this hysteria.

The boy was back in not less than ten seconds, he was carrying a bag of Doritos with one hand and a bowl on the other. He sat next to his uncle as he poured out the contents of the bag before he ate was left of the chips in the bag.

'Honestly Judas, what is so special about this food?' He asked looking at his nephew who was eating the chips greedily.

'Try it!' Jude replied. 'It's good for your soul.' He added, wide eyed at the excitement.

'Alright, whatever is so good about this muggle junk I'll never know.' He said before eating one.

The chip tasted like paradise once it had touched his tongue. He crunched it with his teeth slowly wanting the moment to last forever. The taste made his heart flutter, which he had no idea that he had one until now. He liked it! He actually liked it! Jude thought to himself there was a very wide smile on his face. Snape noticed this.

'What do you think? Isn't it the most heavenly taste ever?'

'Why yes! It is Judas…' His voice was still silky but there was no detection of stress and tension. 'It tastes like…like…'

'Like the most delicious thing ever!' Jude declared at once eating his bag of chips. 'Maybe tomorrow I'll take you with me to the mall where my friend Caitlin works in a Big Squeeze stand she sells lemonade.' He tells him.

'Yes…I'd like that.' Snape replied caught in the euphoria of potato chips. 'What is this lemonade?'

**The End**

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